So, on the eve of my first tinder date I should be happy and exciting about embarking into a brave new world of possibility and intrigue.
But no, instead I find myself sat in my car listening to sad FM and tearing up over a guy who, as they all seem to be at the moment, is unable get over his ex and commit.
Now this is not the first. Recently, it appears, that I keep encountering men who have been so damaged by their previous girlfriends that they are unable to function. Having found myself recently single, I can understand the pain and frustration of a break up- I can. But where are the men who can’t get over me! It would seem my ex was quite happy for me to leave- in fact he offered to help me pack! A sure fire sign that the relationship was well and truely over.
However, after being crushed by one guy who was so in love with his ex he had a break down. I unfortunately met him int he most romantic of circumstances- at sunset in front of the Statue of Liberty. We knew each other from the past and had a chance meeting while both on holiday there- this was the stuff of fairytales surely. I mean what were the chances? But the bubble quickly burst when he decided to do what all broken hearted men do- make everything about them and take up rock-climbing/mountain biking/surfing/marathon running (delete as appropriate) they basically become Jason Bourne.
Just as we are painfully reminded of our own mortality when someone dies- and vow to live every day as if it were our last. So, when relationships end, men appear to get hit with commitment phobia like a spade to the face. Suddenly they get an overwhelming desire to prove their independence and being ego centric f**ktards. Now hopefully, as with the realisation that life is short- this is a phase. Just as we cannot live every day as if it were our last, we simply are not built to mentially. Neither can men sustain this denial of a meaningful relationship. Try as they might, another girl will come along and once again their bachelor life will fall by the wayside and they will do everything they can to make that girl happy.
Unfortunately for me. It seems I have now met not one but in fact two guys caught up in this stage. Bad timing, karma, coincidence, who knows..all I do know is that it sucks.
The latest one went out of his way to convince me of our compatibility. He pursued me with such vigour that I actually didn’t believe any of it. It seems completely inconceivable that anyone could like me so intensely so quickly. If only I had remained that cynical. But just like any girl who has ever watched a Rom Com or a Disney movie- deep down we all want to believe a prince charming will sweep us off our feet and after being consistently told how beautiful I was inside and out, I fell for it. Hook, line and sinker.
Low and behold, once again the bubble burst-once I became available and interested, he back- tracked with such speed that I was left spinning on the spot and wondering what just happened.
So here I now am. Lonely,single and not a broken hearted ex in sight. But before you start feeling too sorry for me. I did choose to leave my long term relationship and I was told by both guys that broke my heart that they were likely to hurt me in the end. I didn’t listen and I got burned. Its what happens when you play with fire. But yet we all still look for the sparks, don’t we?