Never drink and dial


So. The tInder date was mediocre. It felt forced, I didn’t fancy him and frankly, I got a tiny bit bored. yet, there as a part of me that put the effort in as I wanted him to like me- don’t we all! 

However, the next day- my glorious drunk and disorderly best friend – we will call her D&D – came over to cheer me. Coffee led to wine, led to cocktails and before we knew it, I had spilt red wine over my cream carpet in my rented flat and was texting X-man to reveal my deepest darkest feelings for him.

All I can say kids, is don’t let friends drink and dial!!!D&D was having her own dramas and bless, her in a sense of united sisterhood, seemed to encourage the truthful revelations. Needless to say- they were not reciprocated by X man and I was shot down in flames.

Not to be disheartened, I decided, clearly, the next best plan was to take myself to bed and phone one of my Tinder contacts. Welsh Boy and I have been chatting for some time. He seems cute, funny and friendly. However, he lives in Wales. So we have never met. In addition to this, we have now shared so many dirty laundry secrets and moments that we have surpassed the romance stage and catapulted ourselves into the friendzone. Regardless, I have never met this man, yet in my merlot induced haze, I decide he clearly would love to hear from me at 1am. I mean who wouldn’t!?? I can’t recall exactly what was said but I am fairly sure it wasn’t on his list of things to do that night , certainly not above sleeping!

So I awoke the next day, head pounding, room spinning, red wine hangover from hell. Only to then remember, the texts to X man, the call to welsh boy and the red wine carpet incident. I wanted to crawl under my duvet and make the world stop. 

I texted X man to try and make it right- he was understanding but clearly this had changed the goal posts. No longer was I the casual fling thing, I had become the psycho love crazed loser who thinks its appropriate to send you tube videos of Kelly Clarkson songs to him at 1am….ARGH!!!

Just as I thought things couldn’t get worse, I received a text from my tinder date. Now I hadn’t heard from him in several days. Welsh boy tried to encourage me by stating the 3 day dating rule (I mean seriously? who makes this stuff up) but what did it matter if he didn’t like me, I didn’t like him. On any other day, this woudl be true- but on the mother of all days, it was another sledgehammer to my already fragile self esteem.

Desperate for some balm for the soul, I took D&D’s advice and decided to venture into the sphere of retail therapy. A happy place where money is no object and necessity is a just a great scrabble word. However, the universe wasn’t done with me yet. On my way to the mall, I encountered a ozzy tourist who seemed to think that her sat navs directions did not require her to pay attention to the actual road markings and she promptly drove straight into me, ramming me off the road.  I got out, it was only a minor fender bender, a dent and a scratch and everyone was unscathed. However, once I continued on my way, I started to realise that I was more shaken than I first thought and my carefree shopping trip was cut short- not before I spent a small fortune on mugs, glasses and flowers to cheer myself up!

So I returned home, bank account lighter, car damaged and my soul, not soothed.

X man called later that night. He had no idea of my accident but wanted to check I was ok following the drunken revelations and to assure me they didn’t matter.Yeah right.Oh and to once again apologise for not loving me nor being able to care for me. Thanks1 Yet somehow, hearing his voice made me happier and I went to bed after a long bath, feeling slightly cheered after what has to be one of the worst days in a while!


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