My latest adventures have made me realise something quite obvious, yet impossible to solve. Why is it, we are so eager, willing and relentless in our quest to treat our friends and family with kindness, shower them in platitudes and protect them from harm.Yet when it comes to ourselves, we seem happy to berate, torture and belittle our own self worth.
I have just spent the week looking out for my friends. one of my nearest and dearest just gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, I thought nothing of dropping everything to stay in and accept a delivery of balloons and banners her other half had ordered and arrange them as a surprise. I baked a cottage pie so they wouldn’t have to cook, on valentines day I took my most recent ex some chocolates to cheer him up and sent the other ex a happy valentines message so he felt thought of. I consoled a friend in marital strife and allowed her to freely tell me all about her feelings for another man without passing judgement nor making her feel she could not speak about such forbidden feelings.
However, just this evening, after two weeks of not seeing x-man. And knowing I have now been benched to the friend zone and that he has slept with his ex whom he is still in love with but trying to be ‘friends’ with. After messaging him supportive and caring texts all weekend while this girl largely ignored him or felt happy to chat to him about her own issues…I somehow, still end up on the bottom rung of everyones ladder. But not only that. I actively allow myself to be there!