So, the latest update in the saga of my world. I drove into the sunset away from Mr X. He made it clear he wanted no more to do with me as it was all too much and not what he wanted. I strongly suspected a lot of what he said was BS and just a front as the reality is he didn’t want to get hurt again after the last break up. But then I also wondered if he even knew that himself, even if it were true.
One thing that did irritate me is the endless way men end thing under the false pretence that they are doing you a favour! ‘You can do better’, ‘you’re better off without me’, ‘I will only hurt you’ blah blah. I just want to shake them and tell then to grow a pair and grow up! Either admit you actually don’t want to be in that relationship due to your own shit, or man up and do something about it, treat me differently, try talking about it- but for the love of god don’t break my heart and then tell me its all for my own good! If I want to love you, stay in a dysfunctional relationship, put myself out there to get hurt- thats my choice- don’t take it away from me.
Anyway, the weekend was a washout. I was depressed, teary, pretty much the most anti social I have been in a while. Long blue days followed by endless sleepless nights..I was a misery.
Then monday morning I wake up to a missed call- from Mr X. I text and he apologises for calling and says he had a ‘weak’ moment and he knows he told me to stay away, I then discover he has equally had a terrible weekend as his ex- yes the dreaded ex, is now moving in with her new mr ex replacement.
So instantly my hope that he had been miserable without me went out the window- nope he was just still winding himself up about her and I wasn’t there to be a sounding board, so he snapped and called.
Now I would like to say that I of course immediately told him I didn’t need his emotional fuckwittage anymore and I had been messed around one time too many. However, of course, I did not. Two hours later I hung up from a lovely chat which had once again instilled hope in my heart!
So then normal practise continued- texts, calls etc until I got the ‘come over’ invite. I debated staying away but we have already established I have about as much willpower as a 2 year old in a sweet shop – so I went over, and I am glad I did.
We had a fairly standard night. Lovely time chatting and cuddling. But he told me he was finally coming around to the idea that us being apart doesn’t work and he is questioning why he is fighting it and running away. He asked me to stay (which I refused until he talked me round) and in the morning, he was unusually attentive and even kissed me goodbye when I dropped him off at work. but was it a final kiss goodbye like last time?