Relationship via squatters rights

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I read a great analogy recently. That sticking in there with a guy who won’t commit may pay off in the end. but if it does, will you ever be able to be happy, knowing you had to talk him into it ? If the months pass you by and you are essentially together without the verbal commitment, if he finally comes to his senses, have you not simply acquired a boyfriend via squatters rights?

Is this what I want? It does pose a very topical dilemma. My Ex has just set off for yet another foreign adventure. Before he left, we spent every night together happily playing ‘boyfriend and girlfriend’ but with the underlying ruth that we are not in fact together, The slips of ‘so you think I’d leave you for a prettier girl’ well we aren’t together so how can you’leave me’. Or “I don’t want to be that guy, the one who has never seen his…His what M Ex, girlfriend? Because the reality is, we basically are together.

He continues to freak out about the idea of commitment. Swinging like a monkey between two vines- one that states its because he doesn’t want to get hurt(or hurt anyone) and a fear he will and the other projecting into the future about a mystery ‘dream’ relationship that he could be missing out on if he were to commit to me. Recently he admitted he did see a future with us, and most of the time wanted one, but there was another part of him which wondered what woudl happen if we got together and someone else interesting came along for either of us, woudl we be missing out. Well I tried pointing out that the only reason people cheat is because something is missing front heir current relationship that they get from elsewhere- otherwise why would you stray- if you have steak at home why look for a burger? 

Obviously this terrifies me. I feel the longer we deliberate what could be and what may or may not work, the more damage is done that means if we ever were to make it official I would never trust him. Or be continually concerned he didn’t really want to be there. Which is what has stopped me from trying to push it and convince him to step up or step out. Because if he agrees to try because I asked, then its not from him. 

So here I am at the beginning of another week of no contact with him. there is no internet where he is so at least I can’t stare at my phone or the internet wondering why he hasn’t called. And he is there for work not on a jolly without me like Mr Blue used to do. So its fine. I just wish I had that one thing that would make me sleep at night- knowing i am missing someone who is mine. Knowing that when I am thinking of him he is thinking of me not someone else…